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I never forget her. Never have, never will. I may be distracted by the toxicity I face in school, may be distracted by the happiness of being with people who make me happy, may be lost sometimes in my thoughts that even I cannot fathom. But forget her? Pfft. Never.

I smile, I laugh. Which is really good. But at night, when I’m alone, whilst I’m looking at her picture… Yeah, the usual. I cry. I used to wail (silently), you know? Like bawl out, screaming without a sound, asking disbelievingly why she had to go. Seems unreal that’s it’s been a year and a month, and 16 days since I last heard her voice and saw her still, cold body and face.

I could still remember what people kept on telling me after what happened. I’m so sorry, life goes on, you’re the mother of the family now, she loved you so much, you were her reason for surviving, etc. ย Yeah, she was mine, too. That’s why I wanted to die when she left. Left this world. Left my Dad, my then 9-year-old brother. Left me.

Hey, this is not an emo post. I’m actually glad tears aren’t falling down my face as I’m typing this, unlike last year, just a mention of the word “Mom” makes me depressed and want to throw myself into the pits of hell, wailing in agony and grief. But a post regarding her is quite connected to new social media, so don’t go chewing me off yet.

Here goes my “what if” list. Out of the many.

1. What if she had a Facebook account?

I’m quite envious of some of my classmates and friends who have their parents on their “Friends” list (though it really sounds weird). Up to some point, it seems nice. Until they see that tagged picture of you in a sexy pose and a drink in your hand while in a party hosted by your organization. Gee, that scenario is so great.

But I do think about it. What if she had an FB account, and she invited me to be her friend? What if she had a Twitter account, and she started following me? It would seem that the online world would not have much hold on me since I’m quite limited in my online actions. She was very strict and conservative. But, I remember her allowing me liberties since she trusted my rational, responsible, intellectual mind. That I am old and smart enough to know the consequences of my actions.So, then again, it might be fun to have her online.

And so the question continues: What if?

2. What if UnliCall arrived way earlier?

Telebabad. That’s what. Every minute I’m out of the classroom.

I’ll be honest: I didn’t reply that often to her text messages containing “Haus ka na?” It’s one of the many things I truly regret. I kept turning it in my head how much she wanted to hear from me more often than I updated her back then. I feel that I am such a bad daughter because of that. I should have. I could have. But I didn’t.

Oh wait. No what if’s here. Just regret.

3. What if Heaven had Wi-fi?

She still wouldn’t be able to contact me. Did God give her a laptop? A desktop? A netbook? I sure hope He did.

But now that I think about it, she still wouldn’t be able to surf the Internet well. She doesn’t know how to do so! *chuckles* I can still remember when she would shriek at me, “Anak, anong nangyari? Bakit nawala? Ay, bumalik! Ay, tatay mong kalbo, nawala ulit! Ayoko na!” Don’t worry. The computer’s fine. She wasn’t.

One more: What if God taught her how to now that she’s up there? That would be cool. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Mama, my beloved Mama, you are always in my heart, my mind, my memories. I wish I had the chance to teach you better how the Net works, or show you games other than Zuma (which you loved tremendously). I wish I was there when you were in pain. I wish I was there when you breathe your last breath. I wish I was holding your hand while it was still warm with life that was slowly ebbing away from you. I wish you’re still alive to finally see your wish fulfilled: that of me graduating on time. I wish. I hope. I pray.

19 years later, you're still as beautiful. ๐Ÿ™‚

I love you. Always.

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This is featured in You Tube right now:

This video/interview triggered me to look back on a few things and a few memories. Sesame Street (obviously), Batibot, Sineskwela… A few shows wherein the most violent thing that could happen would be the mascot tripping on his own feet. To trigger a few memories from you as well, look at this:

Pong Pagong and Kiko Matsing! I missed you!

And this.

Tayo na sa Sineskwela, tuklasin natin ang siensya!

I find it simply amazing. To think that these shows existed when we were just 4 or 5 years old. And yet, they are still present in the media stream. Well, not exactly the shows. Maybe we could attribute their continued presence due to the fact that some schools still use the VHS now turned VCD/DVD copies of these shows, especially the educational ones, for the elementary students to watch.

They’re upping themselves too, you know. They have Facebook fan pages! And Batibot is coming back to town on TV5! Weee! ๐Ÿ˜€ Apparently, our childhood things and memories still won’t allow us to let go. They can still co-exist with the present times, just revamped to fit the new generation of children (who are more pilosopo, to be honest). And to keep up they also utilize the wonders of the Internet, NSM. They don’t just have impact in our memories. They now have digital footprints as well! ๐Ÿ™‚

I may not be a kid anymore, but I'm still excited to see them on TV again. Sigh.

The use of the Internet to re-plug themselves in the main stream media is a good move, compared to another use of NSM (refer to a previous blog post). Not only is it because this tool is so part of our daily lives right now, but also because the coming generation they are now going to cater to (yes, you li’l bro with an FB account) is well acquainted with it.

How do you reach out to your audience again? *waits for reply* That’s right! Know their habits. Make it a practice, and improve your methods to adapt to their needs and wants. In this case, they’ll be connecting more to kids who think cellphones are so overrated, and parents who want to cling to some shred of reality that they are still in control.

But, anyway. ๐Ÿ™‚

As for me, I’m just finding one thought funny right now: The idea that I can finally be friends with my childhood idols Elmo and Big Bird. A dream come true!

Maybe they’ll let me visit them some time. On Sesame Street, of course. ๐Ÿ˜‰

That stands for “before Facebook.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

This is just sad.

Well, before FB, there was what?

Multiply. Friendster. Myspace. The usual. You know, social networking and all that. Nothing much.

Then, came Facebook. Comments, groups, fan pages, status updates. Yeah yeah, you’ve heard it all. Read it from other blogs.

BUT. What people overlook most of the time are the applications. True, you play those FB games. You take those quizzes that aren’t even half-true (unless you want them to be). And some people think, “Thank you Facebook, you are so awesome, you gave my life meaning through Sorority Life and Mafia Wars!” ๐Ÿ˜€ Only thing to be detested are the credits that you have to buy (only through PayPal!) and the need to invite a lot of people in order to reach a certain level.

Online flash games. Played them before FB did. Did you, too? If yes, you know y8? Sure hope you do. Or at least, did. Alien Hominid!

You have this, FB? Huh? Kick-ass!

I remember when I first had an account, the hottest app/game was Restaurant City, and everyone was in a haste to gain that certain ingredient or fulfill that certain recipe, or the overused example Farmville, wherein the tasks or growing crops was so in. And Pet Society. Oh my beloved Salem, I am so sorry I can’t tend to you anymore. Remember Friends For Sale? ๐Ÿ˜€

I don’t have anything against people who play these games. ๐Ÿ™‚ But I’ll have to be honest. After a while it got… boring, not to mention that a lot of other games where sprouting everywhere. Too much games, yet only one concept: play this game, convince your friends to join, and level up if you buy a certain play money. Otherwise, you’re stuck, baby. Nowadays, I play for the purpose of distracting myself purposefully from academics *coughs*, or whenever I actually remember I cooked a dish in Cafe World and just want to have an added point for self-actualization by checking it.

But remember that time you played for the sake of finishing the game? Wherein there was a restart button and all? I’m not saying that Facebook games should have this. Rather, the concept of online flash games has been a bit muddled ever since FB came. Games from y8 looked a tad “cheaper” all of a sudden (maybe due to the website layout). I don’t mean to say flash games are gone. But with the advantage of FB games being near the SNS source, these games have, well, an advantage of most likely being played.

Nevertheless, there’s nothing wrong with playing both! ๐Ÿ˜€ There are games that are only in FB, and there are those only in y8 and the like. There is still a distinct line between the two that can be enjoyed by users all the more. Governor of Poker 2 is one, in contrast to Texas Poker. ๐Ÿ˜‰

So go ahead and play. No one’s stopping you but yourself… or your backlogs. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve been married for 21 years, and I have 3 kids, all girls. My eldest just graduated from high school. ย Want to meet each other and have an affair? Maybe have coffee or something. You don’t have to tell your husband. My treat. ๐Ÿ™‚

Oooh. You infidel.

I kid you not.

There are websites that encourage couples, especially married ones, to have an extra marital affair. Or two. Maybe even three. Take for instance this one. But please, do not become a loyal, or even just a one-time customer. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ You cannot simply mistake this for any another dating site, what with that banner up there.

Married but still looking for some extra fun and excitement?

Hey, don’t mistake me for someone who visits these kinds of sites. I don’t even go to those dating sites “for the lonely”, etc. I stumbled across this when we debated about it, with the motion that TH would ban websites that encourage/promote having extra marital affairs.

Yeah, if only it was this way instead.

On the onset, I am simply horrified. I get that somewhere in this world and the cyber one are some site makers that are really out of ideas. But seriously, this?? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

On the other hand, if this kind of website exists, with the rules of economics, if there’s supply, then there must be demand. It probably came out of necessity, just like the term “coprophilia.” Or they had really smart site creators that know the statistics of people who want to have affairs is enough to create millions out of it.

But STILL. What happened to the beauty of monogamy?

Entering these sites and interacting with other unsatisfied is understandable up to some point. Maybe love is lost. Maybe you felt it it’s going nowhere. Maybe your partner is even cheating on you as well. It’s always a matter of choice. The decision is always yours.

And yet, it makes you think: is new social media really living up to its name of involving all social aspects, even the societally unaccepted ones? Sad that you’re looking for love online when the one you’ve promised to cherish and to hold is right within your reach. And yet you’re not doing anything to at least fix the relationship (if this is your scenario, that is).

Honey, I'm (right) here. ILY. Wait, I got mail...

If this is how NSM would be, turning our society by further twisting principles to fit the market’s desires and making them into the new norms, I’d prefer cutting off myself from the online community. Except Facebook maybe.

Probably the saddest truth is that, regardless of the means, infidelity, affairs and third parties will always be there. The methods just changed and maybe things got a bit more efficient. In the end, only one thing stands in the way of keeping the beauty and sanctity of a marriage or a relationship.

It’s your choice, John Doe. Always has and always will be.

My beloved, 10-year-old brother, the reason that I am studying hard to later on start working hard, the adorable little being that God gave as an answer to my prayers to have a younger sibling…

My Dad and my li'l bro, Lawrence Patrick. My loves. โค

โ€ฆ has a Facebook account.

Of course, with that came a Yahoo! email account.

My little brother, who always asks me what this thing means or how life came to be, already has an account in Facebook, for quite some time already, and he DIDNโ€™T EVEN INVITE ME AS A FRIEND!

Ugh. That is so sad. But it is truly shocking as well. I suppose this is because of the fact that my mindset has been limited in the sense that I see my brotherโ€™s generation as one that is more focused on playing online games than actually wanting to interact online. With this, I ask the question: What the heck could be the purpose of Facebook to a 10-year-old?

Maybe something between these lines?

WALL POST:

Lawrence: โ€œGrabe and hirap ng Mathematics IV natin kanina. Grabe yung fractions no?โ€

Random classmate: โ€œOnga! Akalin mo, yung 1/3 iba pala sa ยพ!? Akala ko rin talaga yung ยฝ tsaka 2/4 magkaiba e.โ€

Lawrence: โ€œBobo mo kasi. Wag ka kasing naglalaro ng Ben 10 habang may klase!”

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Iโ€™m sorry if I seem so mean, and even immature by actually typing those, but this event has been an eye-opener. Gone are the days when I thought that it was weird if my parents ever joined Facebook (Hi Mama. ๐Ÿ™‚ God doesn’t have Internet up there… Does He? :-O).

I’m such an exclusioner, aren’t I? Thinking that my kid of a brother doesn’t have the right to have a Facebook account. Of course, this isn’t really the case. Any age could use Facebook, any SNS, or the Internet for that matter. That is where their marketing comes from. I suppose this is where we see how a social networking site is a tool or an instrument for the specific circles invoked by the individual user.

Find one, join all.

It wasn’t made just for people with sporadic status-making tendencies, or people with severe liking syndromes, or beings who prefer commenting sprees *cough* blog comments please *cough*. Funnily enough, those things that I’ve mentioned only came to light as “habits” when Facebook came. Even funnier is that I’ve realized that maybe my brother made that FB account for the games. Sigh.ย But this still doesn’t justify why he didn’t add me in his ‘Friends’ list (I’m his only older sister, for pete’s sake!).

Up next: He plans to have a Twitter account. Hoo boy. Following time. A means of checking up on him? Most possibly. Coz my li’l boy is growing up fast. ๐Ÿ™‚

Can you hear (the birds) tweeting?

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

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